New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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