Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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