I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
