Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
