OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Houston, we have a squirter
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
