Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
