is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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