I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
