Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize