were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
