I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
