I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize