I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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