First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
