He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
