I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
