Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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