Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
