oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
