So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
