i just had sex bonerless
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
