ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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