Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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