Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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