im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
