New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
