Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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