now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
