I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
