is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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