I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You made out with two different species that night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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