The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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