ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
