people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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