we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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