He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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