My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
