Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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