I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize