You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's never too late to be topless.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
