Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
