it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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