My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
