UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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