You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
