Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
