i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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