wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
