Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
