she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
