One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
