# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
