i permit you to call me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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