WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
