dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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