chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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