the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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