i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
