It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
