Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize