I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
