we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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