My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
