my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
