I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
