he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
