I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
