I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
