The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
