proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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