He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
