my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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