why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize