When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
