theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
