you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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