I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
