Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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