I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
