Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
