Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize