Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Drunk is not a location!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
