I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she looked like the before picture.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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