There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
