I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
