i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
