belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
