It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
