the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
